Bereavement: What to do if one of your employees loses a loved one

Losing a loved one is an incredibly difficult moment in an employee’s life. It’s also an opportunity as a manager to offer care and support and make this time a little bit easier for them. Here’s how.

Who handles what

Our HR team will take care of employee questions regarding benefits, payroll, or our bereavement policy. You are responsible for communicating with them to solidify a return-to-work plan, as well as communicate with the broader team, affected colleagues, vendors, and other external customers as necessary. 

What to do today

Re-familiarize yourself with our bereavement policy

Be ready to explain it to your employee. Remember that each person is different and will need different support. For example, different cultures have specific customs, rituals or ways of dealing with loss. That’s one reason why our policy is meant to be a starting point and will help your employee know what to expect. While HR is also available to answer these questions for employees, being prepared to answer the basic questions below will give your employee more immediate clarity and ease the burden of connecting with additional departments:

1. What qualifies for bereavement leave
2. How many days are available for bereavement; 
3. Whether the leave is paid or unpaid;
4. How to request or document bereavement leave  

If you haven’t already connected with them, reach out to your employee 

1. Offer your condolences.
2. Let them know they have your support to take the time and space needed to deal with their loss. 
3. Ask their permission to communicate the loss to the team on their behalf and what they do or do not prefer you to disclose.
4. Ask if they want any contact from co-workers and how they want to be contacted. 
5. As appropriate, ask them when they’d like you to check back with them to determine when they will return to work.

Communicate the news and/or your employee’s absence

Based on the preferences they’ve told you, prepare a brief communication to send out to affected co-workers and external parties about the length of their absence for personal reasons and who to contact in the meantime. Sample message templates are below.

Ways to offer support while they are on leave

• Arrange for back-ups and replacements as necessary during the employee's absence. 
• If appropriate, help to organize a card, flowers, or group attendance at a memorial ceremony (depending on the wishes of the employee).
• Let them know about available resources (e.g., EAP or appropriate community resources).
• Stay in touch, as appropriate. If the employee communicated their return date in your initial conversation, you won’t need to follow up. If they were uncertain of their return date, you may contact them after a few days to see how they’re doing and inquire as to if they have a sense of when they plan to return. 

Ongoing ways to offer support once they return to work

• Check in regularly. Schedule a 1-1 for your employee on their first day back to understand what, if anything, they need. Losing a loved one can also come with additional responsibilities that your employee needs to handle, so open up the conversation early on and keep it open.
• Consider adjusting their workload in the immediate term. Expect productivity, but be patient and reasonable in your expectations. Know that the first few days back may be a particularly difficult adjustment. 
• Be sensitive to trigger points. There might be upcoming holidays or trigger points that might be difficult for the employee, for example, anniversaries or birthdays of the loved one. 
• Be patient. Grief typically remains intense for months, and can show up as inconsistency. Listen and give them permission to be both a functioning employee and a sad and grieving person at the same time. Show encouragement by pointing out what they are doing well to boost their resilience.

Template messages

Sample email for an employee who lost a spouse or partner

“I’ve learned that John Smith’s husband, Anthony, passed away last night. Our hearts go out to John and his family. We will send more information on ways to support them. In the meantime, he has asked folks to refrain from contacting him just yet. Please keep him in your thoughts and reach out to me with any questions during his absence. Thank you.”

Sample letter for an employee who lost a child

"It is with great sadness that I share that Imani’s daughter, Kristen, passed away yesterday due to cancer. Our thoughts are with Imani and her family during this tragic time. After speaking with the family, they said instead of sending them anything, please donate to St. Jude’s hospital. They are grateful for your support.”

Sample letter for an employee who lost a mother or father

"I recently learned that Alex lost his mother. Our hearts go out to Alex. They will be absent from work from the 17th through the 26th. Any questions about current projects during that time should be directed to Chen."